today, was such a waste. xuan and i made plans, but were not carried out. supposed to cut my hair, but i was too lazy to go to town. so, i slept almost the whole afternoon.
and, yes.
i lead such a boring life.
but it was good, cause, it was like i slept at around 2.30am the night before and i woke up at like 7.43am. super shagged. i was thinking through and through about what i should do about the many idiotic shite that has happened in my life recently. however, no solutions came about.
gosh, what is happening to me? i hate feeling this vulnerbility that i'm feeling. i should have just left things the way before. was talking to jonathan yesterday night and he asked why was i making myself hurt. just to put up a brave front, just to please others. why don't i just show my real emotions. i didn't know what to say then. but, ya know, his words, just resonated in my mind like an irritating alarm bell. so, now. after the one day that you gave me to think things through, i still have not come up with like, a proper answer. but i do know this. i guess i just didn't want people to think that i was weak and worry over me. cause, i think it's better if they just didn't know anything. as they said, ignorance is a bliss. and, it's like, why do i wanna open myself, let others sypathise with me, you know, show care towards me. then pull the carpet right under my feet, and i'll fall again. so, for me, it's better not to hurt. i guess, by not showing my real emotions had actually eaten me inside and out. so yeah. i guess, that's another way of hurting myself. oh, and another thing, i don't like others to pity me. anyways, thanks jon, for just being there for me, ya know, just listening. anyways, i will tell you the full answer soon, ok?
just this week, 3 of my family members, namely my my mom, sis and bro, all who are absolutely oblivious to anything and everything around them, except maybe, for themselves, actually came up to me, and said, are you alright? you don't seem yourself. and, ya know, that speaks alot. and worse, my grandma thinks i'm anorexic cause i go out to eat and don't eat at home. so yah. wth.it's like what's up with all this anorexic shite? its like, first eka, then now, my grandma. wth.
and, yes.
i lead such a boring life.
but it was good, cause, it was like i slept at around 2.30am the night before and i woke up at like 7.43am. super shagged. i was thinking through and through about what i should do about the many idiotic shite that has happened in my life recently. however, no solutions came about.
gosh, what is happening to me? i hate feeling this vulnerbility that i'm feeling. i should have just left things the way before. was talking to jonathan yesterday night and he asked why was i making myself hurt. just to put up a brave front, just to please others. why don't i just show my real emotions. i didn't know what to say then. but, ya know, his words, just resonated in my mind like an irritating alarm bell. so, now. after the one day that you gave me to think things through, i still have not come up with like, a proper answer. but i do know this. i guess i just didn't want people to think that i was weak and worry over me. cause, i think it's better if they just didn't know anything. as they said, ignorance is a bliss. and, it's like, why do i wanna open myself, let others sypathise with me, you know, show care towards me. then pull the carpet right under my feet, and i'll fall again. so, for me, it's better not to hurt. i guess, by not showing my real emotions had actually eaten me inside and out. so yeah. i guess, that's another way of hurting myself. oh, and another thing, i don't like others to pity me. anyways, thanks jon, for just being there for me, ya know, just listening. anyways, i will tell you the full answer soon, ok?
just this week, 3 of my family members, namely my my mom, sis and bro, all who are absolutely oblivious to anything and everything around them, except maybe, for themselves, actually came up to me, and said, are you alright? you don't seem yourself. and, ya know, that speaks alot. and worse, my grandma thinks i'm anorexic cause i go out to eat and don't eat at home. so yah. wth.it's like what's up with all this anorexic shite? its like, first eka, then now, my grandma. wth.
i will say this one last time. i am NOT anorexic, and for emphasis, i shall repeat myself. i am NOT anorexic.
anyways, i know that i'm not the same and i know, cause i was/am hurting right now and all. so yeah.
anyways,
to those that i caused worry, and/or wrinkle lines to, and/or shorten your lifespans, i'm seriously, truly, honestly, absolutely, from the bottom of my heart, SORRY. and, it IS a sincere apology, if any of you think otherwise.
and, just to say this, datelines do work wonders.
very apologetic,
manda.
posted by mandy at 8:05 PM
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